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Category Archives: weight loss

Starting again…

Written on June 27, 2011

My head wasn’t in the right place a couple of weeks ago when I wrote that I really needed to lose weight again. In fact, I still cannot completely say today without a shadow of a doubt that it still is.

I just know that my pants don’t fit anymore. As I sit and type this, I can almost feel the seems coming apart… feel the humiliation of what will happen when (inevitably) they break at the most inopportune time.

And it makes me want to cry.

Especially after the horrors of what I did to myself over the last 2 weeks. I could have made good choices, but each and every time I felt sorry for myself (which was a lot by the way) I chose the quick meal that had hundreds (if not thousands) of calories.

Over the last few days, I’ve also been noticing some things in myself that I don’t like. Things like getting out of breath easily at tasks that should be easy for me. Tasks that previously were nothing for me to handle even while doing other things in the process.

So I need to get my butt in gear. For real this time.

Weight Tracker

I actually decided it last night (Sunday)… and promptly made a chart of what my weight is each and every week. An accountability chart if you will. (And I have a plan for accountability on this as well.)

Then shortly after this, I hauled out all the (new to me) Points Plus Weight Watchers materials that I have been holding on to for about a year. I knew the old plan inside & out… and this new plan scared me a little. But now I’ve got to get past this “scared” feeling (aka I’m gonna fail this time) and get back on it. Get back to what I know is right to do.

My Weight Watcher's materials

I wish there was a way for me to be part of the #Mamavation group without trying to be in a contest. If there is… I just can’t figure it out. Meanwhile, I hang out on the hashtag & will continue to try to get motivated to do the right thing – as well as give encouragement too.

In the meantime, I’m going to try to find a new pair of pants today in the next size (or 3) up from where I am.

If nothing else to avoid something horrific happening with the ones I am wearing.

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Mamavation Monday, weight loss

60 pounds…

Written on June 13, 2011

Me now... as taken with a cell phone camera in the bathroom. Not good.

Sigh. That’s how much I’ve gained in less than 18 months… or maybe 12.

And if you do the math… that’s gaining 3+ pounds a month. Which absolutely sickens me.

At this rate, being 100 pounds away from my heaviest known weight right now, I would be back to my “old” self in a matter of 2-3 years… or less.

I just can’t have that.

So I was thinking about applying to be an official “Mamavation” mom. (Yes, even though I’m not a mom.) The program that Leah runs is great… and full of support. I love that about the #Mamavation hashtag on twitter. I love seeing the support of everyone.

I had that kind of support before… and I need that kind of support again.

But after a (long) weekend of thinking about it, I can’t apply for the program this summer. There are too many things standing in the way for me to be successful. First is the commitments that I have for my vacations – visiting friends and attending a blog conference. Second is the fact that I don’t own a Wii. (That could be rectified… but I’d rather not buy something I’m only going to use for a matter of months.) Last is the issue of me not being able to participate in the online bootcamps throughout the day. It’s very difficult for me to be online between 8am & 5pm during the week (and some days it’s more like 8am – 10pm).

So I’m going to do this myself again. Eating right and working out… following the Weight Watchers plan (the new one I have the materials for – but have yet to really read/learn.)

I’d love to say that I started strong this morning with a new outlook and excitement toward losing the weight… but that’s just not true. I woke up late and McDonald’s was just easier to go to than to try to find something “healthier”. It’s bad – but it is what it is.

I know what I have to do… the #1 thing is to stop eating at the easy-in/easy-out fast food establishments. The second is that I *have* to start drinking my water again each day. The third is to start getting some exercise in… and then finally making sure that I’m eating the right things (which if I’m not visiting the fast food places, would go a LONG ways toward anyway.)

After writing this all out, I have to admit something. While I know I have to change these things in my life… I’m still struggling with the desire to change them. Maybe it has to do with the original reason I gained the weight in the first place.

In which case… I have a lot of self-discovery to do. And do it fast.

I don’t want to be who I was again.

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weight loss

Where have I gone…

Written on March 2, 2011

It’s been another week away from my blog. I haven’t intended to leave, but it – I guess – was necessary. I’ve been sick again… another cold {or so the doctor says}… and just have no energy to do anything. I’m not sure why I can’t seem to get on top of it all this year.

Or am I just hiding from the truth of the matter?

In the past year, I’ve “let myself go” (so to speak) and have gained 1/3 of the weight I lost back. I’ve gotten back into the habit of not eating well… and not exercising enough. I see myself now going “out to eat” (fast food or otherwise) at least once each day… if not more.

I also see myself differently in the things that I do. How I act. The way I see myself… and treat myself on the inside. Negativity and pessimism have been ruling my thoughts.

Could it be true that you are what you eat? Because then right about now I’d call myself shit.

After being a weight loss success story, I said that I wasn’t going to be one of the people that gained the weight back. I wasn’t going to be the person that stopped going to my Weight Watchers meetings and lost sight of my achievements. I wasn’t going to be the person that beat herself up every other minute of the day…

All of this needs to stop.

I need to get control back. I need to be treating myself with the respect that I want to receive from others. I need to be eating things that have the *right* to go into my body… and not this crap that I’ve been serving myself. And as much as it pains me to say it, I need to give up some sleep in order to workout for at least 30 minutes each morning before I head into the office.

Because doing this is the *only* way that I’m going to be able to find myself back again.

Yes, I know these could just be me writing the words on the page again… words that have no meaning until they are followed through upon. Words that I feel like I have written time and time before in the past six months and not once have I followed through.

But I need to act on something… or I’ll follow through with nothing.

And I can’t afford to not follow through on making the most of this life.

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life, weight loss

I have failed…

Written on January 17, 2011

This weekend I spent time working on many different things. But as you can see in my SOC Sunday post yesterday, I didn’t actually accomplish anything. But there are a couple of things I’d like to point out.

I am a failure.

Ok, not really in the overall sense of the word… but in this weekend. Not a single thing came together to help me accomplish the goals that I had set for myself. It was almost as if karma was working against me.

And sometimes, karma’s a bitch.

First… my house is still not clean.
I yearn for the day that I can have company and not feel like I’m hiding everything in the planet. I’ve been reading Julie Morganstern‘s website again… and goodness knows one of her books (that I own) will likely end up on the {soon to be released} list that I’m creating for my reads this year. I just have to get my “stuff” organized. I have to purge what I don’t need and live much more minimalistically.

Second… I attempted baking again.
All I wanted was a brownie. Then to take the rest to work. I knew it was risky. I knew I really shouldn’t make them lest I really stray from the Weight Watchers program. But I made them anyway. All was going well… took them out of the oven @ 33min (as the package said) and they weren’t quite done yet. I just knew it. So I put them in for a couple more minutes. And then got on twitter for an undetermined number of minutes. Yes. I lost track.

Brick o' brownie.

And now have been left with a brick of brownie (because I can’t cut them… and they came out of the pan seamlessly in one clump) that is now in the trash.

Finally… I didn’t workout at all and can honestly say I didn’t follow Weight Watchers plan. Again.
Not one little bit. I wanted to go to my Kick class yesterday morning, but overslept so I abandoned the idea altogether. Part of the laziness of the day. In fact I think I can say that I didn’t do much of anything on Saturday… except watch a movie (Easy A). Then Sunday, I finally got a little motivated. I got 2 blog posts written (I know… crazy!) and when I looked at the clock, well… the Aqua Fit class I was going to try out was well on it way to being over. Sadness.

Related to this, I haven’t really been doing well with transitioning over to the new Weight Watcher’s points plus program. I have my login info and have been looking up some items – but not tracking well at all. I’ve really got to start getting used to this once again. I just can’t figure out what’s stopping me. Outside of the appealing nature of the fast food restaurants I’ve been visiting. {Shoot me now.}

And one last final note in this related field. I’ve been named a Blissdom-Candy Goddess as of last night.

Can’t say that’ll be good for my Weight Watcher’s plan.

Guess I’m starting up on February 1 again.

Well, at least I have a plan.

So that means I didn’t fail at everything… right?!

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Random, weight loss