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Bible in 90 days Challenge…

Written on July 1, 2010

Next week I’m taking on a new challenge… reading the Bible in 90 days. Not only will it cross off another item from my 101 things to do in 1001 days list, but I am looking forward to this experience for another reason.

To grow deeper in my faith.

Lately – as you might have been able to tell from reading my post earlier this week about the “role I want” – I’m really struggling with who I am again. Not sure why… but it seems to come in spurts. For a while I know exactly what I’m living for, what my goals are (etc.) and then one day it’s like it all hits me and I’m down for the count. I really think it’s the attacks of the enemy.

So I’m going to REALLY learn God’s word. And I would love it if you would consider joining me.

As Amy (the facilitator) has been saying all through this week on her blog, this is not an easy journey and that sacrifices need to be made. Yesterday, I thought long and hard about it and I’m going to give up ~~workouts~~ an hour of internet time each day. Or maybe I’ll really sacrifice and get up at 5:30am to read. (But I’m not counting on the fact that my body will allow me to do such things.

I tried this journey before… but I was also working through Beth Moore’s “Esther” Study… and could not handle both at one time. Not that I didn’t want to, but because I just had no more time on my hands to do both studies. (And believe it or not, at that time I wasn’t even on twitter yet! Hence the reason I’m giving up an hour of internet time.)

So now I feel like I am ready – like God has prepared me for this – and that I can totally do this.

I’ll admit I’m a little nervous. Nervous about how much work it will truly be, and nervous about what I will learn. But I think the excitement of what God will show me in this 90 day journey is definitely overpowering anything else.

I can’t wait to meet my mentor as well as the (so far) 245 others that are taking this challenge with me starting next Monday, July 5. Are you interested in taking the Bible in 90 days challenge? If so… go to Mom’s Toolbox and sign up — and then fill out this form for her too!

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101 Goals in 1001 Days, faith

Struggles in Life…

Written on May 17, 2010

Ok… first, as you probably notice there’s some changes going on around here on my blog. Good things. No, make that GREAT things. I’m so excited I can hardly contain myself. Seriously. But that’s not what today’s blog is about. Far from it actually…

It’s actually about struggles in your (or my) life.

Do you ever seem to notice that when you are struggling with something, everything around you seems to be pointed toward that one or multiple thing(s) that you are “missing”? Or that the things you are struggling with just seems to become more elevated as you pass through them.

This happened to me this weekend. Everywhere I looked, read and watched became consumed with what I have been struggling with. Other people brought it up to me, commercials on tv, discussions on the web… it seemed for a while that everything in the world was against me. I actually tried turn away from everything and be in silence for a while.

But even as I sat in silence, my thoughts overwhelmed me and the struggles continued.

Why is this? Why is it that we let ourselves feel so crazy over something that we (usually) have no control over? Solomon wrote “Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and He will establish your plans.” (Proverbs 16:3)

Why don’t we let go of our struggles easily and give them up to God? Why do we hold onto things and try to fix them so much so… that sometimes we make it worse for ourselves? I will be the first person to say that I am not innocent in that. I am one of the biggest control-freak people out there. But I know it. And I’m honestly trying to work on it.

The reason why we don’t let things go? It’s hard to give things up. Whether you are a control freak like me or not… it’s just hard.

As you have been reading here recently, I’ve been trying to let things go. To give up control. But sometimes I think that the control within us isn’t the issue. What if God is allowing the enemy to refine us as He allowed with Job. Or maybe it is spiritual battles taking place in the heavenlies over the works that God has planned for us that the enemy is trying to destroy.

What Peter wrote to the early Christians I think applies to us today… “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.” (2 Peter 4:12-13)

And Paul contributes much the same to the church in Philippi… “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” (Philippeans 4:6)

While the things that I struggle with are different than your battles, we each need to pray – and be thankful for our struggles.

There’s no doubt that the “with thanksgiving” part is the hardest in my life. Rarely can I be found as a thankful person for the trials that I am going through.

How about with you? What are your thoughts about the struggles you go (or have gone) through?? Do you have any words of wisdom for me or others?

I think Mother Teresa said it best, “I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much.”

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Let it Go: Follow-through…

Written on May 3, 2010

Have you ever noticed that in life, it’s really about the follow through? It’s not only about the commitments that you make, but that you follow through on them. It’s not only the plans for things you intend to do, but to actually do them.

I’ve had this problem recently in a few areas in my life. I’m not happy that the follow through isn’t there. I have lost my discipline… my “just do it” attitude. And that sucks. I’ve gained some weight back. I feel somewhat lost in the “faith” part of my life that a mere year ago, I was secure in and would have been excited to share what was happening.

But something happened after the mission trip I went on last year. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever shared the full story here…

Last year I truly felt that God was going to change something in my life. Change where I live, my vocation, or maybe that I would meet that “someone special”. I had this feeling since early in the year… and I kept praying about it, wanting to know more. But the only “more” that I ever got was a feeling that something would happen after the mission trip. So I let it go to God. (Kinda like what I should be doing again… but I digress…)

During the mission trip, we had a wonderful time – many amazing experiences – but we had communication issues with connecting to the internet. We couldn’t overcome them. So mid-week we got a cell phone with a calling card and called home once each to let our families know we were ok, all was going well, etc.

I think it was late Wednesday night that I started getting the feeling that I had a message on my cell phone that I had to get to. Something that was urgent. But I was in another country and I don’t think my cell plan would have coverage – so I prayed for the next 3 days that the opportunity (or whatever it was) would still be available for me when I returned to the states. I had no idea as we landed in Miami that I would have a phone call from Weight Watchers about my appearance on the Rachael Ray Show. And that message was left on Tuesday or Wednesday.

The Rachael Ray Show experience was amazing — but at the same time, in that experience I think I may have assumed God had answered that prayer. And He was done. And I took back the controls of my life.

Somewhere along with that, I stopped praying about everything that I had yearned for and what was next for my life. But I did.

I almost don’t dare say this out loud… but this past week I realized (in that sickeningly painful way) that I feel lost in life and in my faith. You don’t know how much it hurts to say that. My faith is my ROCK. I go to church every Sunday and I *WANT* to learn more about the Bible, the history and what is going to happen. But I don’t do anything about it once I step through the doors of the church.

The follow through that I had once with my prayer and devotional life has lost it’s commitment level. I need to do more than SAY I’m going to do it. That’s where the follow through comes in. I need to DO the Bible Study that I’m *leading* rather than a quick read-through “catch-up” on the day of the class. And I need to ACTUALLY get on my knees (or as Beth Moore recommends – on my face) and lay it all out.

I’m not sure what to say next… I’m not sure how to feel about all of this… I’m just not sure. But I know that God is real, and I know that He loves me – and that He has a plan for my life. I just wish I knew if the plan was to stay or go out into the world. I wish many things… but now I need to start praying about them. And following through — and ACTUALLY praying.

What follow through issues have you had in the past? How have you overcome them?

More to come about follow through and feeling lost in my weight loss journey on Wednesday…
Stay tuned…

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Let it go: Part one…

Written on April 29, 2010

Some of you have followed my journey for a long while… some of you are fairly new to the journey I’ve been on. By now I’m sure that you know I’ve been through a weight loss journey, one that literally changed my life, change my outlook and changed much of who I am and what I believe I can do.

But there’s one thing that hasn’t changed in my life.

My faith has been my rock. My faith has been a source of joy for me – not only because I love Jesus and want to know more about my faith, my church, and the Bible – but also because it has connected me countless friends that have supported me throughout my weight loss journey.

But I’m not perfect.

Throughout this journey I have held tight to the control. I have released some things to God, but then quickly take them back because I didn’t want something to change, I didn’t want to let go of the stronghold, I didn’t want to be seen as “weak”.

And then something happened on Tuesday.

I was watching the Gather in Spirit coordinators talk on the web about their faith and why they choose to blog about their faith. I realized that I had almost completely abandoned this part of my life on my blog in the past few months.

So many other things concerned me. Things that should not have concerned me.

Because there is so much more happening around me. Many amazing things in my faith, many cool things that I could write about. But that means I have to let go of my control. I have to let go of what I *want* to write about… and rely on God to provide me the words that He wants me to say.

There will be more about this in the coming weeks… but just know. I am surrendering and I hope you all will be blessed by the things I will be sharing in the coming days, weeks and months.

This is an amazing journey.

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