Broken record…

It’s a funny thing… this blog. If I wait long enough, I tend to say the same things over and over. I’m sorry about that. I know there is some sort of famous quote or something about being an idiot when not learning from your mistakes.

And that’s where I’m at right now. Back at the beginning of sorts. Being an idiot.

I feel like a broken record. Advance a little and then skip back to that place where I was stuck so many times before.

Why don’t I change? I don’t know. Can I change? I’d like to think so. Will I change? GAWD I HOPE SO.

It’s *that* day for me again. My “weight” day. The day I walked into the Weight Watchers center a number of years ago and the day I celebrated losing all of the weight as well.

And it’s here again. December 3. Now a date I look at and see myself as a failure.

Why? Because I’m nearly back to my original weight.

I feel like I *WANT* to change. I know I *NEED* to change. It’s just that habits die hard. I continue to eat the carbs and the candy because they are everywhere. I have no good reason for it all. I just eat… because.

On Sunday I was talking to a friend and saying that I would be starting “tomorrow” with tracking and exercise. It’s now Tuesday night and I haven’t done any of that.

What I have been doing is staring at this… found on my phone’s “lock” screen.

Yesterday you said tomorrow

I have to quit making the today’s… tomorrow’s.

I just wish I knew how I was going to do it.

Comments

  1. christine says:

    I believe in you!

  2. I know it’s not easy. I know looking at a string of many, many days working toward a goal is daunting and enough to make you want to give up. I know.

    But the thing is, it just has to be done. You don’t have to know how right now, how every day you’re going to manage to stay on track and make this happen. You just have to do it. Today. Just today make the right choices. Made out of love. Not “Julie you need to do this because you’re a failure and managed to gain the weight back” but “Julie you’re a beautiful, smart, talented, valued person who deserves to live in a body that looks and feels the way you want it to look and feel. You are loved.” See the difference?

    I know it’s so easy and sorta natural to see yourself as a failure. Don’t. Don’t even go down that road. Do NOT let the ego bring you down once again. It’s not failure. It’s the fact that something inside you, at one point or another, linked food to something else your soul needed. All you’ve been doing is the best you can for yourself in the moment. You’ve been giving yourself what you thought you needed. That’s all. But now it’s time to acknowledge that and respectfully let it go. You don’t need it now. You’re going to give yourself what you need in other ways. And it’s up to you to find out what it is you need and how to get it. Joyfully. Not as a chore. You’re worth the internal work.

    This internal work neeeeeeeds to be done. I respect WW tremendously – I lost weight with them myself – but there’s more to it than counting points. Or else no one would ever go back.

    I know you can do this. I know you deserve it. Stop telling yourself that you need to change, as if you’re broken in some way, and start telling yourself that you’re worth feeling healthy. THAT is where to start. THAT is where good things happen. Out of love.

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