This is not going to be home for long…

This weekend was a cousin’s wedding. It was a gorgeous ceremony and fun reception filled with seeing people that I hadn’t seen in months… and in some cases, years.

Inevitably, the question always comes up “What are you doing now?”

There’s so much happening in my head that I don’t want to tell people, but yet there are always the questions of what is going to be happening with me. Sometimes I think it’s really people trying to figure out if I’ve met (or am dating) “the one” yet… or maybe it’s an icebreaker question that I just haven’t figured out how to answer.

I always answer “not much” because I truly don’t know what to tell people. Yes, I still work in the same job I’ve had for the last 10 years. Yes, I still don’t like the condo I bought 7 years ago. And yes, I’m still single.

You see, outside of this blog and twitter, I’m a fairly private person. I’m outgoing once you get to know me… but until that happens, I probably won’t say much. I don’t like to let my “real life” people into this little cocoon that I live in for some reason.

Well… unless, of course, if you read my blog and twitter stream. Then it’s like you know my thoughts. :)

So at the reception, the night was filled with me sharing that I am planning on moving. I want to leave this “tourist-y type” small city of Holland and move to the big city.

The thing is, no one seemed to understand why (or maybe they didn’t believe me?) I was doing this. They didn’t outwardly question why… but I could see it in their eyes. Don’t get me wrong, Holland is a great place to live… if you are married with kids. Add a church affiliation or two and you’ll fit in perfectly well. But for those of us that are 30+ and single, living here is a constant reminder of what we don’t have.

After all of the festivities were over (or rather, when I left the festivities), I went home quietly. Unlike after other weddings, I didn’t do anything drastic. I didn’t drink or buy anything. I just watched a (not great) movie… and realized once again that I want so much more out of this life. Much more than what Holland can provide to me.

I know I’m going to miss my family and friends here. I know I’m going to question myself (probably 1000 times over) on whether it was the right move. I know I’m going to scared and lonely at times. But really… I’m that here now too.

What I really wanted to say to many people that night was… I’m not like you. I’m not happy. I’m missing something in my life… but I don’t know what it is. I know I’ve talked about doing this for years. And I know I haven’t acted on it yet.

Unless I do this, I will always be left wondering what could have been.

I want to see what else this world has for me… and maybe even when I step out of this comfort zone I’ll find something bigger and better that God has planned for me.

So as soon as I find a new job, I’m leaving.

I won’t be calling Holland home anymore.

I’m just not sure where home is going to be yet.

Comments

  1. Fingers crossed for Indy! :) It’s great here.

    I can truly identify with what you’re feeling. I came here 8 years ago after spending my entire life in small towns. I am definitely not the same person. It was a liberating experience.
    Emily Suess recently posted..Author Solutions Gets Not-So-Rave Reviews from Industry ProsMy Profile

  2. Shanna Meyer says:

    I cannot WAIT to hear about your new adventures. Selfishly, we will miss you like crazy around here, but new adventures await you. You are an amazing woman, and I look forward to hearing about all that God has in store for you out there!!! Love you tons!

  3. I’m proud of you. And although I am married with kids and a church affiliation… I empathize with you because I was there. I lived in a town that was too small for me, that there were not enough people like me around, or enough to do to keep my busy and entertained. I knew I wasn’t going to meet anyone there. Holland isn’t going anywhere, and it isn’t going to change. Go find it, girl. It will happen.
    Jen @ BigBinder recently posted..Head Out To Holland {Live A Little!}My Profile

  4. In my experience sometimes you have to move away to move on. Good luck in your adventures & I look forward to reading all about it.
    Robbie recently posted..Wheel MemoriesMy Profile

  5. I hear Austin is a great place for peeps like us ;)
    Shelley (@momma_oz) recently posted..Jet Lag.My Profile

  6. SO excited and happy for you and this new beginning!!!!
    You are a brave woman and I adore you!
    xoxo
    erin margolin recently posted..Dreams: Giving Up the Good GirlMy Profile

  7. Christine says:

    YOU GO GIRL!!!! IF anyone can do it YOU can!!!! Good freeking luck!!! SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!!!!! I agree this town is………….BTW isn’t good for anyone whose sin at any point is evident, because you’ll be reminded all your days—so fun–IF you’ve been divorced, childless, dealt with death or a health issue ;) or are gay, single, etc etc!!! Go to the BIG city live all our dreams to get the _______________outta here!!! ;)
    xxxooo
    Prayers you get that NEW job soon and your condo SELLS!!!!

  8. Ah yes, our Blissdom conversation was not forgotten. so happy and wishing you the best. :)
    gigi recently posted..Today, AgainMy Profile

  9. I’ll have a house for rent in Denver this spring!

  10. Hey! I don’t think you are crazy at all! I had similar feelings…which is how I ended up in Colorado. I always thought I would end up back in West Mich…and maybe some day I will…but I have truly loved my experience elsewhere. I still love Holland…but over time, it turned into not a great fit for me either. The world is wide open girl…Holland will always be there if you discover that you miss it too much. Surely it won’t all be “easy” to forge your way in a new place…but so worth the journey… Best wishes…I will send up a prayer for ya for guidance and direction….and a job :)

  11. Dude, yes!! Get out, go experience a new place, have fun, meet new people. It’s amazing what a difference moving can make. My brother, who was feeling kind of “stuck” like you are, moved and his whole life changed….for the better. I can’t wait for you to start your new journey:)

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